All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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