so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize