Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
