I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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