You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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