I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
