Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
