I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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