my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
