so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
