My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
