who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
