He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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