I got her a Nickelback box set.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize