party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
