Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
