My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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