Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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