did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
