just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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