Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
