How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
