Ambien. No doubt about it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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