I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i believe in u and ur pee
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
