I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
