How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
