Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
