Is it normal to miss your booty call?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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