He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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