apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
