why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
