Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
