nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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