If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
