He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
