I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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