I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
