reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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