Sry I called you an 8
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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