I wanna bring you to show and tell
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
