i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
