I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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