the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
