i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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