Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
