Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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