The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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