i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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