Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
