Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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