so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
