Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
