I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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