Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
