If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
