I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my liver is dry heaving
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
