im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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