I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How naked do you want me to be?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
