Dual....:-)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
