wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
