theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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