I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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