I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
