i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
