tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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