piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize