It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
how drunk are you?
Several
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
