Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
