He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
