I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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