Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
