U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
