my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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