Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
