I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
