someone owes me an orgasm
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
