On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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