Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize