I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
