apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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