I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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