Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
