You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
