walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
