I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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