I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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