I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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