hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
