Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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