you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
