WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
