sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
