Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think my fart just growled at me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
