Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize