Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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