New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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