Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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