obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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