There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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