Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
