quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
