You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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