John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
