I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
