My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
